The Joys of Travel

We had eaten breakfast in our room at the hotel and, well, you know us frugal Mainers...there were little bottles of jelly and ketchup we hadn't opened so I put them in Connie's bag to take home.

So, we were going through security in Chicago for the flight back to Jacksonville. The bag x-ray machine begins beeping. The security guard pulls Connie's bag aside and starts digging into it. Another guard comes over and the two of them pull out this little bottle of ketchup. Connie says, "What is that? That's not mine!" You would have thought they had pulled out a pound of heroin. A very stern 60 year old female security supervisor walks over and takes the bottle. Now there are 3 security people looking at the ketchup and us.

They talk among themselves. It's less than 2.2 ounces... The seal is intact...They can have this... if it is sealed in a plastic bag...

Connie says "I don't want that. I don't know where it came from." She is rattled.

I said, "I want it...'"All four women wheel around and stare at me...

Connie is beginning to sense that I am responsible for this situation so her voice goes up... shrill..."Why on earth would you want that!"

I said, "I like ketchup". I said..." Besides, your birthday is coming up."

The look of disgust that flashed across the faces of the security guards... This idiot is going to give his wife a mini bottle of ketchup for her birthday? The Security Supervisor gave me that look that you see from mothers that says "You are a moron and I am going to punish you..." She raised her voice and called to the big barrel chested male security guard across the aisle " Get that lock down room ready... I've got one for you..." Connie starts screaming at me... "I can't believe you!! Honest to God!! WHY do you do these things!!"

I could not stop laughing... still can't.

(No, they didn't lock me up though Connie now wishes they had... who has more fun than people.)