I guess the best place to begin is at the beginning. This blog is much longer than normal (normal? what an odd concept at this point...) and probably more than you want to read, but we have so much to remember and this is our way of recollecting this truly remarkable week.
It began on October 22, my mother's birthday. We pay attention to everyday things. Connie, especially, sees the interconnectedness of things. So when a giant dragonfly showed up on the screen inside the beautiful, new front porch that Dan and Brenda have built onto their Saint Simons home, she got excited. The screen door was closed so how did it get inside? She got very excited. I have learned not to dismiss her intuitions so I didn't say, "It's just a bug..."
After the "dragonfly photo shoot" and releasing it back to the outside, I walked into the computer and noticed an email from someone at Harpo.com. Spam, I thought, but the writer wrote that she was a producer with the Oprah Show and wanted to speak with us. Before I deleted it I showed it to Connie. "What the heck is Harpo. It's gotta be a joke." Connie knew immediately that Harpo is Oprah spelled backwards and is the name of her production company.
The next day, October 23, was my birthday.
We were just walking in circles waiting for the phone to ring, anxious and wondering what this was all about. We thought it might be about a story I wrote for the Broken Open book but it had been 4 years since that had been published. We thought it might be the blog and our exciting new life, on the road and untethered. I thought they wanted to sell us a subscription to "O Magazine". When the call came we talked for an hour and a half about Broken Open.
Oprah had found Elizabeth Lesser's book and they were working on the show. We were just one of 30 stories they were exploring to include in the show. They called back and spoke with Connie for another hour. We were exhausted.
The next day, October 24th, was the birthday of little cousin Kilie who stayed on this earth for such a short time. She was the daughter of my cousin Stephanie and her husband Eric and the sister of little 5 year old Nathan who live in Chicago and where we stayed for a night after the show was taped. We felt very priviledged to have an opportunity to talk with Stephanie about everything that had happened in her life over the past year. She is such a wonderful mother to Nathan.
The producers called and asked if they could send a production crew to Saint Simons on Sunday to shoot some footage. Our minds were now truly whirling. Dan and Brenda gave us permission to do the videoing in their home (Thanks guys... for everything) and we accepted the offer.
We spent Saturday raking the yard, deciding what to wear, buying a new shirt, talking about what we were willing to talk about... and where we would not go. We changed our minds at least 10 times. back and forth, and finally sat down and talked it through. We decided that we would accept this opportunity in order to achieve two goals.
The first was to honor Eric's life, something we do daily, but this was so unique and on such a larger scale. The second was to grasp it as an opportunity to help others who were broken by Life's events. We decided that if we could help even one family who were "in the fire" then we should do it as well as we could. We wanted people to know than you have to take it one day at a time, to be gentle with yourself and to reach out for help that is available from such wondeful organizations as Hospice Volunteers. We had learned that being broken open was about living life differently, fearlessly and just trying to stay out of our own way as the Universe unfolds. It is all about choice. And so we decided to embrace this very fearful thing for us.
We revisited this decision 100 times over the next 5 days.
On Sunday, October 26th, Scott, the Producer from Chicago and a 3 man film crew from Jacksonville showed up at 7:50 AM. They videoed us for 10 hours; drinking coffee in the kitchen, sitting on the front porch, walking on the beach, driving around in the van and at a beautiful park under the Live Oaks dripping with Spanish Moss. Scott asked very personal questions and after the first shoot, we took Scott aside and explained very pointedly (as only a former paper mill worker can speak) that we were not going to be exploited or sensationalized. I leaned in close to him, looked straight into his eyes and said "Scott, We have agreed to do this, but this is our life. It is our story and we share it often in our Hospice work. But we will not be exploited. I know your name. And I know where you live. Do you understand?" He did. He gave us his guarantee that they would not publish anything that we could not accept. And we believed him. He's a fine young man.
On Monday they called and asked us to come on the show. The rest of that day and Tuesday are a blur. We emailed our friends and family and asked for your wise counsel and prayers. Your encouagement and prayers have been such a blessing. There are no words to thank you. While all this was happening, they contacted Katie and Ryan. Kate has been working 12 hour days in her new job and was emotionally and physically spent. Wisely, she decided to forego the trip and the ordeal. She is wise beyond her years and we are so proud of her ability to set boundaries. Some wise dude once said "Know thyself." Ryan agreed to come to the show and speak from his unique perspective as Eric's identical twin brother. We are equally proud of his courage in being willing to engage. Both of our children have been incredibly supportive of this thing that we had decided to do.
Mimi, our friend on the island, called and offered to take care of Sampson and Delilah. So much for Connie's excuse to stay behind and take care of the dogs... Thank you Mimi, Sue, who we look forward to meeting, and Jay who helped with the dog care after she flew in from Prague. Steve came over and brought some cold beers to help us process what we were going into. We sat by his fire and talked it all through. Thank you Steve... and also for your help with that damned garage door opener. Persistency and tenacity buddy... and when that doesn't work, read the instructions. Right?
On Wednesday, the Lincoln Town car showed up at 9:30. Sam and Lu ran out the front door and jumped into the drivers seat. We put them back in the house. Not this trip, puppies. The flight was smooth and we arrived in Chicago, met by Carey from the show, and were limo'ed to the Omni Hotel where we had a $100 lunch of crab cakes and club sandwiches. Wow, talk about being outside our comfort zone.
We spent the rest of the day waiting for Ryan to arrive. Connie's friend Jan and her daughter Laura drove down from Wisconsin. Scott shuttled back and forth with photos and video tapes. Ryan made it in and by the time we hit the pillow at 11:30, we were really rethinking the whole thing, wondering why we were here and if we should just grab a cab and make our escape. But we were just too tired to get out of bed.
October 30th, my father's birthday, 5:00 came early, but we had been laying awake fretting for a long time. Our prayer was " Hey Eric, help us through this one buddy. We don't know what we are doing here. We're just gonna flip on our backs and float. The current is too strong to fight." We met Ryan in the lobby and the stretch limo pulled up at 7:00 AM sharp. A young, nice looking chauffeur greeted us at the curb. Connie said, "Are you our driver?" He said "Yes ma'am, I am." . She smiled, extended her hand and said, " Hello, my name is Connie.". He said "Good morning. My name is Eric." She beamed, grabbed him with both hands and said "Well isn't that just PERFECT. So nice to meet you Eric."We drove through the darkness to the studio as the sun was dawning onto an incredible day.
We arrived at the same time as Elizabeth Lesser, our friend and the author of Broken Open, and enjoyed a curbside, heartfelt hug. Next, we were met on the sidewalk by 3 Producers. Scott, Leigh and Veronica. Impressive young people, so enthusiastic and professional. Leigh is Ryan's age and Veronica is 8 months pregnant. They walked us through security where we had to provide ID and give up our cameras and cell phones. Through the door and down the hall with pictures of Oprah with every celebrity you could ever imagine on the walls from floor to ceiling, from Tom Cruise to Tom Hanks, from Maya Angelou to John Travolta. Just a LITTLE intimidating...
They shepherded us into the "Green Room" that was appointed with comfortable chairs, a coffee service, danish, a meeting table, and separate rooms for hair and makeup. That's when things began to happen very quickly. They took Connie into makeup, wired me for sound and preped Ryan for questions and then we all rotated. I heard snippets of conversations. Ryan was telling Veronice "I'm a sax player so I'm comfortable being in front of crowds. But my dad hates this..." Connie was chatting with the makeup woman about airbrushing and hair products. A Latino woman in a mini skirt was doing my hair. "Don't cover up the grays. I earned those...". Finally we sat around the table and the producers briefed us as to what questions we might expect, always with the disclaimer that Oprah might take the conversation in any direction.
They left us alone for the next 10 minutes and I wore holes in the carpet pacing back and forth. Connie was nervous. Ryan was trying to calm us both down. Finally it was time. We walked down the hall and through the metal door into a long, high ceilinged corridor. People were standing on either side watching us walk like gladiators entering the Colloseum ( ... or was it like Christians to the Lions?). We walked through a control center and shook hands with the Director. (I couldn't identify him today in a line up if my life depended on it. ) We were like deer in the headlights.
We passed through a final set of doors, down a long tunnel and onto the floor in the back of the studio, surrounded by 300 people. It was surreal. They told us to stand there for a bit and I scanned the audience anxiously looking for familiar faces. There was Jannie and Laura, smiling and waving, trying to give us courage from across the room. I looked back at Connie and she was frozen in place with an odd expression on her face. I grabbed her and we whispered back and forth to each other, telling each other to breath and reminding ourselves why we were there. They walked us down front and onto the lower stage and sat us on a couch.
One of the Producers was warming up the crowd, asking questions and preparing them for the show. Finally Elizabeth was seated and Oprah came into the studio. They seated her next to Elizabeth, about 8 feet from us, and a flurry of hair stylists, make-up artists, sound people and producers surrounded her. They took off her slippers and put on high heels with red soles. They staged her teleprompter and answered her questions. She was very much in control. A real professional. All the while, she was speaking with us, engaging with the audience... and grieving. Her cocker spaniel, Solomon, like one of her children, had very recently died. Loss comes in so many forms.
I spied my cousin Stephanie in the audience. She smiled at me, pointed to her eyes with two fingers of her right hand and then made at fist. She was saying, " I'm here. I'm with you. Have couage." I thought the message was, "I'm watching you and I'm gonna kick your butt if you don't do good." Made me laugh and lighten up a bit. Finally the show started.
We learned that there are 8 segments to a show. Oprah and Elizabeth opened the show in segments 1 and 2. We were the only other guests. After segment 2 they moved us up onto the main stage and opened segment 3 with film from our interviews and pictures of our family. Oprah interviewed Connie and me during segments 3 and 4. Ryan joined us for segment 5 and they wrapped it up in segment 6 and 7. We are looking forward to seeing what we said because we frankly don't remember it all. We do remember being pleased with the honor given to Eric and speaking the words of hope and encouragement for others suffering loss.
We are so proud of Ryan's words so eloquently describing our loss and for his words of gratitude for our support during those dark times. He talked about a pivotal moment for him when he had dropped out of school and was working shoveling bait... dead fish... for my cousin Craig and his wife Denny on the docks of Portland in their lobster business. He said he realized while standing up to his knees in smelly fish that he felt happy... and that if he could feel happiness there, he would be happy again. Later, when talking about our travels, Oprah asked if I planned to work again. I said " Yes... but probably not shoveling fish." Then again, it doesn't sound so bad. I've done alot worse jobs.
After the last segment, we stayed and spoke with the audience for an hour answering questions and talking about loss and hope. The show ended quickly. Connie embraced Oprah and expressed her condolences for the loss of her pet and we were ushered back to the Green Room. The Producers were very pleased. They gave us gift bags with Oprah hats, tee shirts and coffee cups and shuttled us back into the stretch limo. Jannie, Laura and Stephanie joined us and we went back to the hotel for lunch. That Bloody Mary never tasted so good.
We said good bye to Jannie and Lauren and the limo took us to Stephanie's beautiful apartment on the 15 floor of a building on North Shore Drive overlooking Lake Michigan and the city. We played Star Wars action figures with Nathan and Ryan took a nap before his flight back to Maine at 6:00. That night we ate ribs with Eric and Steph, enjoyed a nice bottle of wine and hit the sack at 8:30, entirely spent.
I have already blogged about the call that came from Ryan at midnight. I repeat it here as part of the entire amazing story.
Connie and I got up just in time for sunrise over the lake. Amazing. As was the french toast breakfast and our walk through Linclon Park and the Zoo that afternoon before our limo showed up at 4:30.
As I wrote, we had only two heartfelt goals in agreeing to participate with this program. One was to honor Eric and we think the show does it well. The other was to help people who might be in "griefs fire" even if it was only one family.
Ryan awoke us with his call at around midnight. He had a story he had to tell us. On the flight back to Maine he zoned out until shortly before they landed in Portland and then chatted with his seat mate. 'Where are you from', 'Where do you work', 'What do you do'... we have all had these conversations 100 times. And the last question 'Why were you in Chicago?'. Ryan told the story. The man began to weep. His 19 year old son had been killed in a fire in February 2008. Ryan offered our family. We will be speaking soon.
Guess we got everything we had hoped for. The Universe doesn't drag it's feet...
I will blog about some of the events of the flight back later. This blog has gone on much too long... but there is truly no other way to tell the whole remarkable story.
We arrived back on the island at midnight, picked up the puppies (Mimi had tears in her eyes and wanted to keep them.. such a good girl...). By 2:00AM we were stumbling over each other, but unable to stop our minds. Sleep came mercifully and today has been spent talking with friends and family, watching the Georgia Florida football game and writing this story.
And that is our story. We could never have imagined this in a million years. The show is scheduled to air on January 14. We'll let you know if things change. It has been a whirlwind and we will need some time to recover. In the mean time, stay tuned and pay attention. You truly never know what's coming down the road. What a life...
OH LOOK!! A BUTTERFLY!!!
Love to all. Glen & Connie
