"Terminal Technocity"

Thursday thoughts by Glen:

MINIMUM!! I find myself getting real hot under the collar at technology these days. Not just computers, but software, blogs, websites, ISP's, emails, gmails, Garmin's (Ed, we named her Winn Dixie, by the way), cell phones, ipods, digital cameras, TV remote controls, dvd's, blue-tooths, garage door openers and the vans backup collision avoidance system. It's more than just my age heightened cranky disposition. Something cosmic is going on.

Parachute jumpers have first hand experience with that planetary physical speed bump known as Terminal Velocity. No matter how much a person or object weighs, there is a maximum speed at which it will fall ( approximately 200 miles/hr or 89 m/s depending on density and atmospheric pressure for you engineers and Jeopardy TV show enthusiasts). Remember Galileo’s experiments dropping objects off the Leaning Tower of Pisa from junior high science class?

Terminal Velocity is Nature’s way of stopping us from incinerating ourselves by moving too quickly, not that this has been much of a threat up until this point in history. Now, in our generation, mankind has developed methods of exceeding these natural limits. And we have learned, through the loss of brave Space Shuttle astronauts, the dangers and challenges that must be considered when doing so.

Now much of mankind has it's nose pressed up against yet another (meta)physical brick wall. Technology is being introduced into our lives at an insanely fast rate of speed. For many, our technology saturation point has been reached/exceeded. We have reached our point of Terminal Technocity. Intellectual density and age are obvious (though not absolute) critical determinants in this highly individual limit. I leave it to my son and his engineer buddies to develop the mathmatical expression for this physical phenomenon. It will undoubtedly involve some form of linear regression. (There are only two types of people in this world; those who understand calculus... and the rest of us.)

The only real defense that I have found is to tune it out, turn it off, throw it away or take it back. I've tried reading the instructions. I've read the "...for dummies" books. I've watched the enclosed dvds that come neatly packaged with the products. (I have a hard time even getting into the cd cases). My best success is to have someone with superhuman patience sit down with me and show me how to operate the gadget. (Katie, remember sitting on your steps on Congress Street this summer teaching me how to use my cell phone? You are my hero...). On the other hand, when Ryan explains to me the latest hardware/software/circuit board layout he is designing at his job with DeLorme, smoke begins to pour out my ears. Sorry son. It's not your fault I am technologically challenged.

Someday soon, you will likely find a pile of ashes on the chair in front of my computer or in the front seat of my "high tech" van and you will know that I have self incinerated from exceeding my limits of Terminal Technocity.

editors comment by Lulu:

Huh??... Being a dog has its advantages...

That'll do,

Sam n' Lu